for the sake of keeping up with this blog

Nothing really life changing has happened to me these past two months that I could write about in detail. Well since my last blog entry, I passed my first semester of the program (yay me!), my grandpa passed away, the holidays came and went, and now I'm just working and I'm about to start my second semester next week.

Now that I think about it, I began writing a blog after my grandpa passed but after I realized that it was all complete bullshit, I stopped and erased the whole thing and just didn't end up posting it. In reality we weren't close, at all. His favorite grandkids were my cousins who spent a lot more time there than my brother and I did, so he never really knew us. I never really knew him. Last time I saw him he didn't even remember who I was or that I was his oldest sons's kid. It basically went, "Oh, you're from New Mexico? How do you like California? Well have a safe trip back."

Obviously I'm not a family oriented person, otherwise I would've experienced more heartbreak over losing loved ones than I have. I don't know if that's a good thing because I'm totally unprepared for when Angelo eventually leaves and I can tell it's coming soon, and I can't even bare the thought of it right now. I keep telling myself he's energetic for his age, but even when he tries to run around, I see him slip and fall over himself and there's just so many things wrong with him that I can't afford to treat.

I'm worried about my mom and my little sister, I got a call from her today and I'm just realizing how NOT okay they are. I have half a mind to just tell her to come over here and live with me.
I'm worried about my dad, I can see he's over-victimizing himself but I know he's not okay with money and he doesn't know how to spend it either.

I am just tired of all the false hope they're both giving me.

I've been picking up more hours at work, but it seems like it's still not enough and I am just so exhausted and I don't know how I'm gonna handle all of this when school starts next week.

We'll see.

xoxo
Angie