So I'm about to start my 3rd week in the veterinary program and it's been pretty crazy so far. Every week, I have a full page list of homework front & back that I need to get done. Although the material is pretty basic so far, there's still a lot of work and studying being done. On top of that, I work a part-time job on most of the days that I don't have school, I'm volunteering at an animal shelter, and I'm training a 1 year old dog (proving to be extremely difficult; I've never had to train a puppy before and I'm just now learning positive reinforcement). So yes, my life has been pretty busy! It's just gonna get even busier the deeper I get into the program.
I don't know if these are mood swings, or just my 21st birthday approaching. I still find time to get on Facebook every once in a while and I'm still on Twitter all the time, and I see constant status updates and posts about how my friends over there are turning 21, they're having parties, going to Disneyland, and living out their early 20s. I'm stuck in New Mexico constantly studying and working and there's nothing I want more than to have a social life also. I know I'm being productive by studying and working and going to school here, but I have friends that are doing the same in California, but they're also having fun too. Some people have pointed out, "You'll have time to do all that after school!" Well, after school I'm gonna be like 26 and all my friends that partied are gonna be over partying and they're gonna be out of state, out of the country, moved on with their lives. I don't know how to explain it. I can't say I'm bored or lonely. Alex, some of my family, and my pets are plenty of company. I have a little group at school I hang out with, but only at school. They're not exactly close enough yet, though since I am going to the same classes with them for the next 2 years it'll probably get better. I guess I'm just not having the idea of fun I'd like to have. No adventures, no one to text "let's get frozen yogurt" and we'd go on a quick frozen yogurt run, and just hang out whenever.
My 21st birthday is next Monday, and I have no clue what I'm doing for it. I'd like a party, but I don't know enough people in Albuquerque to have one. I've had friends that promised they would road trip from California and visit me here, but guess what? No one talks to me anymore, so obviously it's not going to happen. I don't even think they care, or they probably think I'm too busy. I've texted Matt multiple times and no response, he's too busy with his friends and having a social life and all that good stuff. And now...oh great, and here come the tears. So stupid......and now I don't have anyone to text or talk to when I'm feeling like this. So here's a blog.
Yeah, I guess it is loneliness. Not the type of lonely where I feel like I'm isolated from the world. I don't know what it is. I miss my friends but they don't miss me. I guess that fits. They say they miss me but they really don't, they're too busy to miss me. They have the rest of my friends there to distract them. I'm basically missing out on everything. I MISS everything, everything about California. The ability to go to the beach, Disneyland, LA, San Diego, anywhere I wanted with friends that I'd have fun with while I'm doing it. And hey, if I still lived there maybe they'd still talk to me sometimes.
Ahhhh! Poop, well now my makeup is all ruined, but it's a good thing I'm not doing anything today except for laundry & studying. I guess that's all I'm doing for the rest of my life. Work and chores.
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